I'm sure I saw something similar before, but this spoof on scientific reporting from Genomicron is good for a laugh (and hopefully not too often true!). I list some of the better ones:
| The statement | What it really means |
| It has long been known... | I haven't bothered to look up the reference |
| It is thought that ... | I think so |
| It is generally thought that ... | A couple of other people think so,too |
| It is not unreasonable to assume... | If you believe this, you'll believe anything |
| Typical results are shown | The best results are shown |
| Three samples were chosen for further study | The others didn't make sense, so we ignored them |
| Results obtained with the second sample must be interpreted with caution | I dropped it on the floor but managed to scoop most of it up |
| Correct within an order of magnitude | Incorrect |
| Stringent controls were implemented | My advisor was watching |
| I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions on the interpretation of the data | X did the experiment and Y explained it to me |
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